Validation and recognition, The Quiet Language of Love
We all long to be seen — not just looked at, but truly recognised and validation and recognition go a long to ensure this.
To be noticed for the way we show up, how we care, and what we give.
For the small acts and quiet efforts that often go unseen, but come straight from the heart.
Over time, this kind of recognition builds trust, comfort, and emotional safety
Validation and recognition aren’t just nice gestures, they are essential ingredients in emotionally healthy, secure relationships.
Without them, even the most loving person can begin to feel invisible.
This article is a heartfelt reminder of why it matters so much to say, “I see you and appreciate you and that "You matter to me.”
Why Validation and Recognition Matter
Validation is the act of helping someone feel heard, understood, and acknowledged.
Recognition is showing appreciation for what they’ve done or how they’ve shown up.
Together, they quietly say, “I see you and value you" and truthfully affirming, “You’re not being taken for granted.”
It may sound simple — but it’s powerful.
People don’t burn out in relationships because they care too much, they burn out because they keep caring… and it feels like no one sees it.
What Happens Without It?
When validation and recognition are missing, it doesn’t just lead to disappointment.
It can lead to:
* Emotional disconnection
* Quiet resentment
* Misunderstandings
* Feeling unappreciated or unseen
* Shutting down emotionally over time
You can love someone deeply and still cause them pain by failing to acknowledge what they bring to the table, like a partner making dinner every night might begin to feel like a servant if it’s never mentioned and gratitude shown.
Likewise, a person working late to provide might start to feel like a bank account rather than a human being and valued partner if that are not shown validation an recognition.
Evidently, when effort is invisible, so too is the person making it.
Validation Is Not Just for the “Big” Moments
Many people think validation means huge praise after a major achievement, but real emotional nourishment often happens in the everyday.
It’s saying:
* “Thanks for remembering to do that, I know you’ve got a lot on.”
* “I noticed how patient you were earlier — I really admire that about you.”
* “It means a lot that you always think of me before you make plans.”
* “I know that wasn’t easy for you — thank you for showing up.”
Naming what someone might not even realise they need to hear and letting them know they are not invisible and you see the load they are carrying.
Love Isn’t Just What You Say — It’s Also What You Do
Words are a deeply meaningful way to offer validation but they must be paired with action.
Saying “I appreciate you” means more when it’s followed by:
* Helping out with something that’s not usually your job
* Taking initiative instead of waiting to be asked
* Offering comfort, not just solutions
* Checking in just because you care
Remembering what matters to them, and following through establishes reliability and over time, this builds trust, comfort, and emotional safety.
It’s not about grand gestures, rather the quiet message that states, “I’ve got your back.”
You Can’t Just Validate — You Must Also Participate
Sometimes, people fall into the trap of only acknowledging their partner’s effort without reciprocating it.
They may say, “I know you do so much…”, but they never step up to share the load.
Offering validation without contribution can feel hollow — like clapping from the sidelines instead of joining in.
True connection happens when:
* Both people feel seen and supported
* Appreciation is mutual
* Care flows both ways
Let your words be the echo of your actions, validation isn’t a substitute for showing up — it’s what gives your presence deeper meaning.
The Importance of Shared Values and Communication
We all give and receive love differently, some people show love by:
* Acts of service
* Words of affirmation
* Physical affection
* Quality time
* Providing or protecting
* Emotional presence
The way one person shows love may be quite different from how another does.
One might be doing something they feel is meaningful — but if it’s not what the other person values, it can quietly go unnoticed. And that can leave both people feeling misunderstood.
That’s why open, honest communication is so important.
We need to talk about what makes us feel appreciated — and take the time to ask the people we care about, what makes them feel appreciated.
For example, one person might feel they're showing love by working long hours to provide for the family, while the other is longing for more quality time together.
Or someone might pour their care into keeping the house running smoothly —
but just wishes to hear a simple, heartfelt “thank you” every now and then.
There’s no single right way to love.
What matters is finding a rhythm that feels good to both people —
where each person’s efforts are noticed, valued, and understood in a way that actually lands.
It’s not about being perfect — it’s about being real with each other.
What Does Healthy Recognition and Validation Look Like?
Specific — “Thank you for cleaning up the kitchen after dinner” lands more than just “thanks.”
Consistent — Don’t wait for birthdays or breakdowns to show gratitude.
Mutual — Both people need to feel seen. One-sided effort creates imbalance.
Heartfelt — Say it because you mean it, not because you feel obligated.
Balanced with effort — Words backed by actions build trust.
Practical Tips to Bring More Validation Into Your Life
Start noticing the little things
Look for what others are doing: Even if it’s not how you would do it, acknowledge their intention, not just the outcome.
Express appreciation out loud: If you think they already know — say it anyway, people need to hear it and feel it, not just know it.
Ask what makes them feel valued: Don’t assume — ask. “What helps you feel appreciated?” opens doors.
Check your own patterns:
Are you receiving a lot but giving little? Are you waiting for validation but not offering it? It's important to reflect gently and see how you are showing up for the other person.
Pair words with action: Say thank you, then show that you are thankful, this could be expressed by doing something thoughtful and being emotionally present.
How Counselling Can Help
Counselling can help if you struggle giving or receiving validation because of old wounds, insecurities, fears and doubts.
You might:
* Feel unworthy of praise
* Get defensive when someone tries to recognise them
* Struggle to express appreciation due to how they were raised
* Be afraid to ask for what they need emotionally
Counselling can help:
* Unpack these patterns
* Build communication skills
* Heal attachment wounds
* Explore love languages
* Strengthen connection and self-worth
Whether you’re working individually or as a couple, therapy provides the tools to give and receive love more freely — without fear, guilt, or confusion.
Final Thoughts: See Each Other, Every Day
At the end of the day we all crave the same core things, and that is to feel loved, seen, appreciated, and safe.
The truth is, most people are trying, they’re trying to show up and care, and to do their best, even when they’re tired or unsure.
If you want to strengthen your relationships — romantic or otherwise — start with this:
* Notice them.
* Appreciate them.
* Tell them.
* Show them.
* Do it again tomorrow.
And make sure you’re doing the same for yourself, too.